I made it just a smidge over a week. Stronger than ever. That was it. Then I was overpowered. Big time. It is frustrating and discouraging, but I must not loose my focus and strength.

Yesterday I gave an INCH and he took a MILE. I could not fend him off. I tried but he overpowered me. It was the first battle that I have lost in this war. I must keep my record strong and continue to win battle after battle, until the war begins to clearly tip my way. There needs to be no doubt that I own and control the demon. Not a single question.

I need to find the same spark again like last week.

I have realized that when I am overpowered by the demon for whatever amount of time I am like a zombie. It does not seem like me, rather another person in my skin. They do not carry on like I; such as an imposter would do. Who wants to be taken by an imposter? More so, taken completely as a person. It is like I am watching from above…a movie about a train wreck. I don’t enjoy watching this movie but there is no stop button. It is over when it is over. When the demon has had his fill……..what a greedy bastard.

I am learning more about my enemy as I go. I believe that the key to winning this war, or any war, is to know you enemy inside and out. Know all the faces that he can take on, even if it is a familiar and friendly face. He is a clever enemy. I have come to learn that he likes to ambush me. He shows his face as that of a friend. True friends always have your best interest in mind. This is not true for him ever, yet I take him as a friendly face; only to be betrayed and disappointed that I was fooled again. I would say that this is one of his most powerful weapons against me. I must build up my defenses against this devastating weapon. I will spend the next few days solely focusing on this solution(s). It will be time very well spend, as this was how I lost my first battle in this war. One for him. It hurts to say that, but it is true and I must face my defeats, and see them as opportunities to prevent the same thing from occurring again.

Today has served as a reminder, clear as can be that I am dealing with a very intelligent, sly, powerful enemy. I must take him very seriously and not let my guard down. If anything I must stay paranoid to stay truly safe.

In the past I have run from the challenge, today I face it. I will not run this time. I will not quit. I will not surrender. I am strong. I am determined. My mind is strong, my body stronger. I will press on. For my self and my loved ones.


Huuahhh!


Day 8 - broken but not defeated, not even close…